Condolence & Memory Journal

Terry and I were friends in Mountain Lakes, NJ - enduring teenage angst together. "Bay" was a good soul. High School for us was an boundaries. He was smart, yet did not advertise it. Funny, we never really had much success with girls at the time, but we made it up in so MANY creative ways. As Terry and I parted ways - he migrated to Brown and I ended up in Ann Arbor, hey, very different places, yet we managed to keep in touch by pen. Although I have not communicated with Terry in many years, I feel very sad in learning of his passing. May he rest in peace.

Posted by Dag Hellandsjo - Warenton, VA - Friend   April 30, 2021

Elizabeth, Tom, and Olivia- I am so sad to hear the news of Terry's passing. My daughter, Addison, played soccer with Olivia for years and I was lucky enough to work as team manager while Terry was coaching. He was a patient, kind, witty, gentle, sincere, and always thinking of others. He was one of best coaches ever, his highest priority being what was best for all the girls on the team. I will always remember him fondly, and the world will miss his kind spirit. Our family's deepest condolences to you all.

Posted by Kathy Martin - San Diego, CA - Friend   April 05, 2021

Elizabeth, I met you and your husband Terry, when you came to visit Margaret and Cory on their porch. I was a neighbor. I was on this site and happened to see of his passing. I just wanted to give you my sincere condolences to you and your children. What a terrible tragedy, I am so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Posted by Joni Cordy - PELHAM, NY - Neighbor   March 24, 2021

I have just learned this awful news. Terry was the most lovely person and the world is a colder place without him in it. The tributes I am reading here really capture his special qualities - his gentleness, his wonderful humor, his unselfishness. One friend writes that he didn't have a mean bone in his body and that is the truth!

Terry and I were very close friends in the early 80's when we were both in NYC working at our first mundane jobs out of college and we had so many marvelous adventures and so much laughter! In the last decade or so, we reconnected and I so enjoyed reading his wonderful book and his blog, and having the occasional long lunch when we would reminisce about our crazy youth and chat about our current lives. There was nobody easier to talk to. Terry's love for his family was always first and foremost: he adored Tom and Olivia and was so proud of each of them.

Terry was a talented lawyer but that never defined him. It was books, writing, basketball, musing about the world, walking with his dogs and, most of all, his family and his friends that made life meaningful for him. He was a gentle soul, a thinker and a wonderful friend. I loved him and will never forget him. My most sincere condolences to Elizabeth, to Oliva and Tom, and to David and Carol, about whom he always spoke most lovingly. This must be hard to bear.

Posted by Catherine Lyness - Summit, NJ - Friend   March 15, 2021


Very sorry to hear this sudden news. While we never met, I had known about him as a neighbour his parents in Mountain Lakes NJ. Both Terry and Eileen will remain in our memories. Our family prays for Terry and his peaceful passage.
-- Prem, Aruna Pungaliya and children Pooja, Darshan and Sakshee.
Neighbors 241 Morris Ave. Mountain Lakes NJ

Posted by Aruna, Prem Pungaliya - Mountain Lakes, NJ - Friend   February 04, 2021

I was privileged to play basketball with Terry for more than a decade. Although better than most of us, he was unfailingly generous in sharing the ball, uncomplaining about cheap fouls against him. These may seem small things. But it's often the small things that reveal larger character: his decency, his empathy, his unselfishness. There was never a five-some that didn't want Terry on their team.

Posted by Jack Murray - Pelham, NY - Friend   January 30, 2021

We were stunned to learn of Terry's untimely passing. Just a little more than two weeks ago, we were standing in Eileen's driveway, sharing a few nice memories. He was a gentle person, and a beautiful writer, and I was so glad to know him in recent years. May your fond memories help carry you through this immensely sad time. Sending peace to all who loved Terry.

Posted by Margarethe Laurenzi - Mountain Lakes, NJ - Friend   January 30, 2021

My sincere condolences to Terry's family. His loss is so very sad. We had many head to head battles on the basketball court and, although stronger than I, he was always a gentleman. I also enjoyed running into him walking our dogs in the neighborhood. He will indeed be missed by many.

Posted by Alec Cecil - Pelham, NY - Friend   January 28, 2021

What a heartbreaking loss of a wonderful guy. It was a blessing it was to have him as a friend. He made my life, and the lives of those around him, better through his kindness, generosity of spirit, empathy, patience, and sense of humor. There wasn't a mean bone in his body. I'll miss him, and my heart is, and will remain, with his family through this trying, incomprehensible time.

Posted by Jim Humes - San Francisco, CA - friend   January 27, 2021

Terry and Elizabeth were some of my first friends in Pelham. I loved running into Terry -- whether that be on the street as he walked the dogs, running into him as he trained for a half marathon, catching up with him at the NYAC, or running into him on the way to Metro-North platform. I always loved hearing how proud he was of his kids the true definition of a doting father. Terry always made people feel understood, respected and listened to and I am forever grateful to have had him as a neighbor and friend. Elizabeth and family, we offer our unconditional support and deepest condolences to you all.

Posted by Becky Barbieri - Pelham, NY - Friend   January 27, 2021

Very sorry to hear of Terry's passing. I got to know Terry playing basketball in Pelham and always admired his contemplative outlook, his curiosity, his focus on family and friends as well as his calm, positive outlook. He also had a pretty good baseline move that was hard to defend against, much to my chagrin during those Sunday morning pickup games back in the day.

Posted by Kevin Cullen - New Rochelle,, NY - Friend   January 25, 2021


Words cannot describe the heartfelt loss of Terry. He was truly a "good and kind" man, just like his father. Elizabeth, Tom and Olivia will always be surrounded by Terry's extended Irish family with ongoing love, support and deep caring. Terry is still in the "Heart of our Hearts". Maryann Hedaa, January 24, 2021

Posted by Maryann Hedaa - New York, NY - Family   January 25, 2021

Oh no! I am so very very sad to hear this. I knew David in high school and mistakenly friended Terry on social media years ago...since then I have come to value his insights and short, elegant thought posts, his photography, and his love of his family. I feel bereft without ever having met him. I can only imagine how those of you who love and know him feel. Please know that he touched a stranger, and I will remember him always.

Posted by Jo Buyske - Philadelphia, PA - Friend   January 24, 2021

Rest in peace, Terry, my friend, my dear cousin's husband, my one-time host as I couch-surfed with you and Elizabeth in Brooklyn on a Thanksgiving trip across the pond to visit the family in the early 90s. I value the chats that we have had over the years and also value reading your book, as it gave an indirect view to your heart.

Elizabeth, Thomas, Olivia, and the rest of the family: my heart goes out to you. How could any words of mine possibly ease the rawness of your grief, your loss, your shock? So I pray; may God's peace and blessing and comfort come to you all.

Richard and Alison

Posted by Richard Symonds-Tayler - Carshalton, Surrey, UK - family   January 24, 2021

I was just starting to get to know Terry - my husband and I had a really fun day kayaking with Terry and Elizabeth this summer, and Terry and Elizabeth and the pups joined me for a walk in Central Park, complete with hot chocolate, a couple of weeks ago. He was a great guy, and I wish I had had more time to get to know him. He is gone far too soon. Elizabeth, Tom and Olivia, my heart goes out to you with my deepest condolences.

Posted by Susan McLaughlin - New York, NY - Friend   January 23, 2021

Terry was my best friend, for 40 years. In recent decades we would meet for an unhurried coffee twice a month. During these times we spoke mostly about just two things - books and parenting. Honestly, heading downtown to meet him each time felt exciting. Heading back uptown I always felt .... lighter.

During the pandemic's isolation I found myself continuing these conversations with Terry, entirely in my head. Today the thought that I'll continue our talk for the rest of my life is the only comfort I can find.

I could be my most genuine self with Terry. He will be with me always.

Posted by Dave Mallach - Westhampton beach, NY - Friend   January 23, 2021